wake up: an honest ramble

Saturday, 26 July 2014

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I can say with some certainty that I'm not the only one who suffers from Tumblr envy, Pinterest envy, book envy, anything-that's-not-your-life envy. Where everyone else and everything looks so much better than what you have.

Lately I've had the urge to just pack everything in and escape - whether that's literally packing for a lone excursion with belongings stuffed into a backpack, or just some other life upheaval.

It's probably just a funk. I have so many things to be extra happy about. But when you start to feel this way for weeks on end, it really starts to get you down. All you want is the happy life with the amazing, well-paid job; the boyfriend who just can't get enough of you; a beautiful home that makes you smile every time you look at it; friends who you see all the time; and a social life to rival the most exquisite in the world.

But I don't do a lot. Why is that? Partly, I think it's down to the fact that I'm too scared - too scared to go out there and try something new. What if people don't like me? What if no one speaks to me? On top of that, I'm not surrounded by people with get-up-and-go, and that's what I need. I've spent quite a long time now looking after other people - perhaps someone should look after me now, tell me what I need to do to be the happiest I could possibly be, and show me the way.

I think I'm craving positivity and, if I'm honest, the ability to step inside my Tumblr and embrace a new life. Let me know if they invent that. I know I hardly suffer on a day-to-day basis - I'm well aware that the world is full of utter sorrow, but I'm sure you'll agree that someone reminding you of that does little to make you feel better when you're stuck in your own head. 

For now, I think it's time I listed what's good in my life. Surely that could help?

1. My job's pretty cool. I'm Deputy Editor of the UK's best-selling crafts magazine, and I love it.
2. I've made a really good friend there recently. She's the best. Currently we spend every lunchtime together in the gorgeous, bright sunshine.
3. Nola and Harry - my cats - bring me so much joy.
4. Though I don't have much money at the end of the month, I managed to move out from my family home with my boyfriend over a year ago - we haven't ever missed rent, nor have we set the place on fire, so that's a success.
5. There are two girls in my life who I see very little of but when we do meet up, I just cannot stop smiling.

Hopefully this list will grow and grow as the months go on. A few things that certainly aren't helping my general sense of happiness include my lack of willingness to excercise and keep fit, the very little amount of blogging I've been doing lately, and my inability to try something new. These are certainly things I'm going to change.

If you've got this far, then well done - I'm definitely one to ramble. And if no one reads this ever, I needed to type it out - let it out, at least.

2 comments:

  1. I get how you are feeling. But seriously so far from reading your blog, you are amazing! You appreciate little things in life. You have an inspiring style. You are a brave lady for sharing those feelings on your blog. You are awesome for seeking positivity and typing them out. And all crazy cat ladies are wonderful ;-)

    Katrina Sophia

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  2. I definitely feel like this sometimes, especially after spending time on social media or blogs, it's so easy to start to think everyone else has an Instagram perfect life and they never feel drab or boring or ugly. When I feel like this I always try to focus on this quote: "The reason we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind-the-scenes with everyone else’s highlight reel."

    I don't think it's possible to ever feel 100% happy with our lives - because if we did, what would motivate us to keep going, to aim higher, to do something new? I'm sure that the girls out there with the enviable Instagrams and the exciting Twitter feeds have a whole bunch of crap going on in the background. I realise I never post the real, warts and all, stuff that happens in my life, so it's impossible to know if other people do or not (most likely not) either.

    x

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